


tales out of school

by somehowunbroken



Category: DCU - Comicverse
Genre: Community: queer_fest, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-03
Updated: 2013-05-03
Packaged: 2017-12-10 01:30:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/780205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somehowunbroken/pseuds/somehowunbroken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Damian asks a dumb question. Jason gives him way more information than he was looking for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	tales out of school

**Author's Note:**

> Written for queer_fest 2013: _Any fandom, any characters, A same-sex couple gets tired of explaining to people that there is no 'woman' or 'man' in their relationship._
> 
> Thanks to camshaft22 for beta duties.

“So, which one of you acts as the woman in your relationship?”

Jason sees Tim stiffen out of the corner of his eye. Damian smirks, clearly seeing the same thing. “Or, to put it more colloquially, which one of you wears the skirt? For the record, my money is on Drake.”

“Well,” Jason drawls before Tim can burst, “sometimes Tim does, but that’s only because he likes me that much. If you’re talking about who would rather wear a skirt, though, that would be me.” He rocks his chair onto its back legs. “Sometimes it’s nice to just let it all hang loose, y’know?”

Score one for Jason: Damian’s mouth has snapped shut, and his eyes are a bit wider than normal. The kid recovers quickly, though. “I didn’t mean that literally, Todd,” he snaps. “I meant-”

“Oh, you want to know which one of us bottoms,” Jason says brightly, reaching out with his foot and kicking out the chair on the opposite side of the table. “Time for an education, littlest bat of them all. Sit.”

Damian shifts. “On second thought, I-”

“Sit,” Tim echoes. Jason glances over, and sure enough, Tim has his arms crossed over his chest and a narrow smirk playing across his lips. He’s got the beginnings of a blush on his cheeks, but Jason is pretty sure Tim will consider any and all further embarrassment worth the price of admission. “Unless you’re too uncomfortable to stay, of course.”

Damian’s eyes narrow, but he sits in the chair. Jason grins widely and makes a mental note to congratulate Tim on that nice bit of manipulation later.

“So you seem to be under the impression that because we’re two men in a sexual relationship, one of us has to be a woman. Correct?” Jason narrows his eyes as Damian opens his mouth again. “Never mind, I know I’m right. I just wanted to make sure we were all on the same page before I started explaining how wrong you were.”

“It’s pretty wrong,” Tim adds. “For someone who considers himself the most perfect one in the family, you’ve got some pretty out-there ideas.”

“That he does,” Jason agrees. “Putting aside for the moment the fact that you apparently think there’s something inferior about being a woman in a relationship with a man – and believe me, you and I are going to get back to that at some point in the future – there is no woman in our relationship. None.”

Damian’s eyes dart from Jason to Tim and back again before he replies. “The nature of sex demands that one of you-”

Jason snorts and looks to Tim. “When Dick asks, you’ll back me up when I tell him that the kid literally asked me for this, right?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Tim replies, nodding. “Also worth noting: he’s sixteen. It’s not like he’s a little kid who doesn’t know any better.”

“Glad to hear it,” Jason says, turning back to Damian. “Well! Since you asked: sex does not always mean that someone is getting something shoved into an orifice. A lot of people would have you believe that, but it ain’t true.” He grins widely. “If we decide that we’re tired, we don’t really want to go through the whole song and dance with prep work and then all the moving and thrusting and what have you, we just jerk each other off. So tell me, which one of us is the woman in that little scenario?”

Damian’s face is a brilliant shade of red, and Tim’s isn’t far behind. Damian takes a deep breath before replying. “That is – just-”

“Well, see,” Jason continues, “we do like doing it the other way, too, but it’s a lot of work. Since we’re both guys, there isn’t an easy place to put a dick, unless we’re giving blowjobs. Which is also fun,” he adds, grinning viciously when Damian sinks in his seat. He’s red everywhere that Jason can see, from the top of his scalp down to the collar of his shirt. “But anal sex? It takes some doing, pardon my pun.”

Tim groans. “That was bad, Jay.”

Jason shrugs. “Not sorry in the slightest. My point still stands, though: if we’re actually doing something involving _anal penetration_ …” Jason emphasizes the words just to see Damian’s little twitch of horror, and he’s well rewarded. “…then we have to break out the lube and do some stretching.”

“Sometimes the lube comes out when we’re not,” Tim adds. His face is redder than Damian’s, but he’s still got that smirk on his face that says he’s enjoying this as well. “We have one that’s apple-flavored.”

“Drake!” Damian yelps, slapping his hand across his eyes. “No! Why would you-”

“For the sake of education,” Jason tosses in, grinning. “So, stretching. It doesn’t sound that pleasant, right, but a lot of times it is. Fingers move better than dicks do, so it’s easier to hit all the right places while you’re stretching than it is later on. Not that it’s impossible, so have no fear.”

Damian looks like he’d rather fling himself from the top of the Manor without a line than continue sitting at the table, but Jason knows that he won’t go anywhere until they’re done talking. He grins. Sometimes Bat-pride is an excellent weapon.

“Stretching takes time,” Jason continues. “You have to do it right, and you have to do it enough. Think about it-”

“I would really rather not,” Damian snaps. “Though I suddenly find myself unable to think of other things.”

“You’re welcome,” Jason singsongs. “Anyway, to answer your actual question: we switch. The idea that only one of the guys in a homosexual relationship bottoms is ridiculous. Sure, some couples operate that way, but a lot of people switch it up.”

“Excellent,” Damian says. He’s no longer looking at either of them; apparently it’s easier to try to stare his way through the table. “Are you finished?”

“The important thing to take away from this,” Jason says, “is that we’re both still men. Top, bottom, in between, what the fuck ever, that doesn’t change it.” He sighs. “Look, it’s like looking at two dogs and asking which one is the cat. Just because you’re used to thinking of the two pets in a household as a cat and a dog doesn’t mean that everyone with two pets has one of each.”

There’s a moment of silence before Tim hums. “That’s actually a really good analogy, Jason.”

“Thanks for sounding so shocked,” Jason says dryly. He turns to Damian. “So. Are you educated now?”

Damian clears his throat. “Considerably more than I ever hoped I would be, Todd. Am I free to leave?”

“Absolutely,” Tim says. “In fact, you’re wholeheartedly encouraged to.”

“On the other hand, if you’re still curious about something,” Jason says as he reaches for Tim, “feel free to stick around for the practical demonstration.”

Jason tugs until Tim is laughing into his shoulder, and they watch as Damian flees the room.


End file.
